A Birthday Wish
Self-energy speaks for a reticent manager on our special day
Self reaches out to a sad manager
A (Self-energy): Hello, green crocodile.
Green crocodile (Manager): (Sighing) Hello A. Let’s not have this discussion!
A: I invite you to have this discussion.
Green crocodile (GC): I don’t think I’m capable of having this discussion, but I’ll go along with you until I fall off a cliff.
A: I’ll take it!
Manager feels approach / avoidance about being engaged with
GC (Manager): Really, why are you going after me? I’ll sit on myself. I’ll sit on my hands. I’ll put tape on my mouth. I’ll go lock myself in the closet. I don’t need you to come hounding me and finding me and trying to get me to talk about what makes me uncomfortable.
A (Self-energy): I hear that, and this is an invitation, not a mandate.
GC: Oh fie. But I have deep conflicts! Deep problems and deep conflicts and it causes me birthday problems.
A: I know you’re suffering, which is why I wanted to talk to you.
GC: I don’t even know why I’m like this. I don’t know why this is my birthday wish.
I have a birthday wish but…it’s too hard to ask for the birthday wish, so then I don’t ask for it, so then I’m sad, and now you’re coming over to me and trying to get me to talk about it. It’s all a big mess.
Self offers to speak FOR the green crocodile
A (Self-energy): Would you like me to say what you would like for your birthday?
GC (Manager): Yes, because I’m too unevolved to be able to say it. I don’t feel good about asking for it. I guess I have deep worthlessness inside of me, how sad. I didn’t even know that about myself!
A: Oh, I’m very sorry this conversation has unearthed an awareness of a worthlessness you weren’t even aware of in yourself.
GC: Yeah, well great, now it’s too late! Now that I know I can’t unknow it. What a bummer. Darn already.
A: Geez, I really am sorry green crocodile.
GC: Whatever, when you do inner work you never know what you’ll find. I’m the one who accepted your invitation. It’s on me. Just go ahead already!
A manager’s birthday wish
A: Your deepest birthday wish is for testimonials from anyone who reads our Substack or has taken classes with us or has done individual IFS coaching with us.
In your deepest little crocodile heart of hearts, what you’re longing to receive on your birthday is a few positive testimonials about us as an IFS writer, teacher or coach that we can share on our website or in our newsletter.
GC: That’s what I want, but asking for it is like pulling all my crocodile teeth out and making me a toothless semiaquatic reptile!! I wouldn’t have been able to say it, so I appreciate that you did.
A: On your behalf, I’m asking our readers to post any positive feedback they may have in the comments, as a birthday gift to you, our deeply loved green crocodile.
GC: We’ll that makes me cry, but if you want to do that for me I’ll allow it.
I won’t get my hopes up because if no one posts I’ll be crushed into little pieces, but I’ll let you post it for me anyway.
I do appreciate the gesture. It means a lot to me that you could tell how sad I am because I wish I could ask for what I really want for my birthday, but I wasn’t able to ask for it, so it’s nice that you asked on my behalf.
A: Anytime, green crocodile! I know positive feedback is your favorite thing in the world, because words of affirmation are your love language.
A request on the green crocodile’s behalf for our birthday
A (Self-energy): So, if anyone has a minute to spare to leave a testimonial for me as an IFS teacher, coach, or for this Substack— how it’s positively impacted you, supported your IFS journey, or anything else— please do, as a birthday gift to the green crocodile!
Happy Birthday :) Your writing is unlike anything else out there, I’m so grateful for the insights into your inner world—I always learn more about myself & IFS and feel reinvigorated to keep going and dive deeper in my own work. You are the gift!!
To the GC in you:
Insightfully awesome. I didn’t know it was okay to own how shit one’s managers make us feel in simply being. I have a hard time doing that because my perfectionist protector thinks I should know better. So I try to snub the feeling to which only adds to my torment. Having recently read “No Bad Parts” I’ve been in an emotional/spiritual state of excited paralysis. This really is the gift I needed today!