Happy Birthday :) Your writing is unlike anything else out there, I’m so grateful for the insights into your inner world—I always learn more about myself & IFS and feel reinvigorated to keep going and dive deeper in my own work. You are the gift!!
Insightfully awesome. I didn’t know it was okay to own how shit one’s managers make us feel in simply being. I have a hard time doing that because my perfectionist protector thinks I should know better. So I try to snub the feeling to which only adds to my torment. Having recently read “No Bad Parts” I’ve been in an emotional/spiritual state of excited paralysis. This really is the gift I needed today!
All parts need healing — not just exiles! It’s just that exiles CONSTRAIN the healing of protectors so until some of them are healed there will be very little wiggle room for managers and firefighters to shift.
Being in “an emotional/spiritual state of excited paralysis“ is a fabulously precise way to articulate how IFS often impacts people when they first learn about it!!
The hope is there, like the excitement of learning how to ride a bike, but the ability to balance, and actually do the work is not there, so it’s a challenging beginning spot.
I’m happy this was the gift you needed today! It’s a two-for-one because it’s GC’s gift too! Win-win!!
Restacking is a no-brainer as you clearly know your onions! It never dawned on me that Managers have their own burdens, yet if you follow the theory that is the only logical conclusion.
Beautiful analogy about riding a bike: I’m very much trying to figure out how to pedal while maintaining balance. Or, in simple terms, how to feel my feelings and know how to interpret them.
After reading “No Bad Parts” I thought I had my binge-eating bouts licked. Then, as I was feeling sure of myself, I changed what was on the menu at dinner . It seemed like a no-fuss issue to make a Mushroom Keralan Coconut Curry given that it’s half the calories of what I usually eat and way tastier. I even added some Piccolo Tomatoes and Baby Cucumbers to bulk it out - what could possibly go wrong?! I’m still not certain why but I’m guessing my taste buds didn’t like the tangent from my usual diet and I wound up feeling compelled to binge on crisps and chocolate too!
This right-brain to left-brain dance stalls when I feel shame for bingeing. Like the shame paralyses my left-brain’s ability to interpret what I’m feeling. In other words, one of my firefighters dissociates and shuts down any analysis in my left-brain.
I was able to regulate such that the shitshow at last night’s dinner didn’t derail my ability to Meditate followed by Yoga this morning. But it took me 18 hours to feel safe enough to feel wonder and to try and answer the “why?” of the issue! IFS and me don’t see eye-to-eye on an emotional/spiritual plane yet! But as scary as it is, there’s no turning back.
Oh man, do I feel you! I have to be wickedly careful about what I eat because I also have a binge eating and sugar addiction history.
I have to be insanely careful about the smallest changes — like, I saw the dentist and they told me I can’t eat lemon anymore because it’s eroding my teeth.
But not putting lemon in my food means there’s a little bit less zing, and I was really worried it might trigger my firefighters to look for zing elsewhere.
So far, so good, but wow – super ultra small incremental change is the only way I can shift my diet. People who do not have addictive personalities just cannot understand what a tiny shift can do to the overall equilibrium of the system!
I literally eat the same meal twice a day, every single day. I can’t have meal variation because it’s too much for my system. Which is fine – I love what I eat – but wow, I’m with you, man!
Snap! I love what I eat too but, given that I eat once a day, would it kill my maladaptive “patriarchal-stiff-upper-lip” part to live a little and try different cuisines without causing a fuss?! 🤬😂 I have a savoury tooth. So if I don’t have salt on my food I have to raid the snack pantry for crisps or peanuts! I’m still getting used to the idea that I’m not mono-minded and that I have a homeostatic system. I was an emotionally sensitive, scared kid but buried that key aspect of myself and spent most of my life uncomfortably hidden behind patriarchy. Now I’m curious to know if it’s now safe to out my sensitive kid and confront my fears as a fiftysomething man. Vive la révolution!
Dear Melissa - you changed my life through our IFS sessions. Your presence, your deep commitment to being your most authentic self, your role modeling - all of it has helped me and been permission for me to find my most authentic self as well.
I'm really loving your writings and transmissions. Each writing you share brings something potent and alive. I love reading your posts!
I love your writing. So much gratitude to your courageous parts for their generosity in sharing countless tender insights. They have often arrived for me at just the right time.
Oh, thanks Emily!! I agree, it really is generous the way my parts are willing to be so publicly vulnerable about their process — I have a lot of appreciation for their courage too! Thanks for seeing and validating that!! 🌷💫✨
Melissa- ❤️❤️❤️ this is a happy bday short placeholder for the well-deserved longer testimonial I hope to write when I'm done moving! Your 1:1 sessions, classes, and writing have been pivotal for me in my IFS journey. I'm so grateful. More, please!!
Thanks Elena!!!!! I know how busy you are AND the green crocodile looks forward to your longer testimonial when you have the time & space to write it! ❤️
I always enjoy your emails! They’re fresh and creative in a way that grabs my attention and reminds me what I love about humanity. Thank you for the fun ask, congrats on courageously asking in an educational way (examples are the best) and happy birthday to green crocodile and all the rest 🎉🎂🥳
Happy Birthday :) Your writing is unlike anything else out there, I’m so grateful for the insights into your inner world—I always learn more about myself & IFS and feel reinvigorated to keep going and dive deeper in my own work. You are the gift!!
Thanks Liv!!!!! I’m DEEPLY receiving this — I am the gift!!
We ARE the gift to the world, all we have to do is unwrap who we are. So inspiring and motivating!
Thanks for being the gift you are. From one gift to another!! ❤️❤️
To the GC in you:
Insightfully awesome. I didn’t know it was okay to own how shit one’s managers make us feel in simply being. I have a hard time doing that because my perfectionist protector thinks I should know better. So I try to snub the feeling to which only adds to my torment. Having recently read “No Bad Parts” I’ve been in an emotional/spiritual state of excited paralysis. This really is the gift I needed today!
Thanks Billy!!! And thanks for reposting!!
Managers suffer from their own burdens, too.
All parts need healing — not just exiles! It’s just that exiles CONSTRAIN the healing of protectors so until some of them are healed there will be very little wiggle room for managers and firefighters to shift.
Being in “an emotional/spiritual state of excited paralysis“ is a fabulously precise way to articulate how IFS often impacts people when they first learn about it!!
The hope is there, like the excitement of learning how to ride a bike, but the ability to balance, and actually do the work is not there, so it’s a challenging beginning spot.
I’m happy this was the gift you needed today! It’s a two-for-one because it’s GC’s gift too! Win-win!!
Restacking is a no-brainer as you clearly know your onions! It never dawned on me that Managers have their own burdens, yet if you follow the theory that is the only logical conclusion.
Beautiful analogy about riding a bike: I’m very much trying to figure out how to pedal while maintaining balance. Or, in simple terms, how to feel my feelings and know how to interpret them.
After reading “No Bad Parts” I thought I had my binge-eating bouts licked. Then, as I was feeling sure of myself, I changed what was on the menu at dinner . It seemed like a no-fuss issue to make a Mushroom Keralan Coconut Curry given that it’s half the calories of what I usually eat and way tastier. I even added some Piccolo Tomatoes and Baby Cucumbers to bulk it out - what could possibly go wrong?! I’m still not certain why but I’m guessing my taste buds didn’t like the tangent from my usual diet and I wound up feeling compelled to binge on crisps and chocolate too!
This right-brain to left-brain dance stalls when I feel shame for bingeing. Like the shame paralyses my left-brain’s ability to interpret what I’m feeling. In other words, one of my firefighters dissociates and shuts down any analysis in my left-brain.
I was able to regulate such that the shitshow at last night’s dinner didn’t derail my ability to Meditate followed by Yoga this morning. But it took me 18 hours to feel safe enough to feel wonder and to try and answer the “why?” of the issue! IFS and me don’t see eye-to-eye on an emotional/spiritual plane yet! But as scary as it is, there’s no turning back.
Oh man, do I feel you! I have to be wickedly careful about what I eat because I also have a binge eating and sugar addiction history.
I have to be insanely careful about the smallest changes — like, I saw the dentist and they told me I can’t eat lemon anymore because it’s eroding my teeth.
But not putting lemon in my food means there’s a little bit less zing, and I was really worried it might trigger my firefighters to look for zing elsewhere.
So far, so good, but wow – super ultra small incremental change is the only way I can shift my diet. People who do not have addictive personalities just cannot understand what a tiny shift can do to the overall equilibrium of the system!
I literally eat the same meal twice a day, every single day. I can’t have meal variation because it’s too much for my system. Which is fine – I love what I eat – but wow, I’m with you, man!
Snap! I love what I eat too but, given that I eat once a day, would it kill my maladaptive “patriarchal-stiff-upper-lip” part to live a little and try different cuisines without causing a fuss?! 🤬😂 I have a savoury tooth. So if I don’t have salt on my food I have to raid the snack pantry for crisps or peanuts! I’m still getting used to the idea that I’m not mono-minded and that I have a homeostatic system. I was an emotionally sensitive, scared kid but buried that key aspect of myself and spent most of my life uncomfortably hidden behind patriarchy. Now I’m curious to know if it’s now safe to out my sensitive kid and confront my fears as a fiftysomething man. Vive la révolution!
Dear Melissa - you changed my life through our IFS sessions. Your presence, your deep commitment to being your most authentic self, your role modeling - all of it has helped me and been permission for me to find my most authentic self as well.
I'm really loving your writings and transmissions. Each writing you share brings something potent and alive. I love reading your posts!
Thank you for being you!
I love your writing. So much gratitude to your courageous parts for their generosity in sharing countless tender insights. They have often arrived for me at just the right time.
Happy birthday, big hugs ♥️
Oh, thanks Emily!! I agree, it really is generous the way my parts are willing to be so publicly vulnerable about their process — I have a lot of appreciation for their courage too! Thanks for seeing and validating that!! 🌷💫✨
Melissa- ❤️❤️❤️ this is a happy bday short placeholder for the well-deserved longer testimonial I hope to write when I'm done moving! Your 1:1 sessions, classes, and writing have been pivotal for me in my IFS journey. I'm so grateful. More, please!!
Thanks Elena!!!!! I know how busy you are AND the green crocodile looks forward to your longer testimonial when you have the time & space to write it! ❤️
I always enjoy your emails! They’re fresh and creative in a way that grabs my attention and reminds me what I love about humanity. Thank you for the fun ask, congrats on courageously asking in an educational way (examples are the best) and happy birthday to green crocodile and all the rest 🎉🎂🥳