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Thank you for writing this. This makes so much sense to me. I have a father who deeply struggles to believe in anything beyond the 3D world. It's like his heart longs for it but his mind and ego will not allow him to risk believing and possibly be wrong. He needs proof and he asks for it all the time. Especially after my brother died-- he asked for signs. He got so many signs, yet he still struggles to believe.

I, on the other hand, naturally feel my brother's spirit. I feel the existence of spirit within me and around me. I've seen things clairvoyantly. It is so obvious to me, it's normal. When I see people debating about it, it feels like a sad waste of time. Let's get on with it! Our next evolution I believe depends on us acknowledging our spirit, kind of like acknowledging that we have hands and feet so we can use take the next steps and touch all the things.

That's said, when someone comes to me wanting to discuss spiritual experiences, feelings, visions and how all of that works I am wildly enthusiastic to talk and compare notes in depth. I would have been wildly enthusiastic to talk with your young self about your "hallucinations.' I would want to know where/how you saw them in your mind's eye, whether you could direct them in certain ways or not, and if you felt they held messages for you. I would celebrate with you the incredible richness of your inner creativity. And more. 😍

Thank you again for this post, and sorry if I blew out the comments with the length of this message! Clearly it resonates. ❤️

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And I meant to also say that the paragraph where you describe your hallucinations is sublimely written. I was floating on the ocean of your words as I read it. 🙏

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I imagine this is its own kind of pain to sort through. It would seem that it shuts down discussion as surely as denialism. Thanks for sharing.

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Thanks Landon! Yeah, weirdly, a form of spiritual blindness that meant the only way I could benefit from her spirituality was almost completely nonverbal.

She did once mention, she felt she was at the end of her string of reincarnations, and probably her soul had completed its process. Given what a completely insane life she chose to take on this time, I thought that was quite cogent. But that was one of the only times she very specifically discussed anything spiritual. Mostly she just embodied it.

Which also goes to show that you can be completely berserk and also deeply spiritual at the same time – they’re not mutually exclusive and being spiritual doesn’t mean that you’re in any way psychologically evolved.

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Absolutely! There is something about Mad Mysticism that I find fascinating. I've interacted with some homeless folks who were on another level while being very much unwell and intoxicated. They still were somehow a channel of something much higher, and it's been pointed at me a couple times.

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Melissa, your mom reminds me of people who casually mention they once tamed a lion, as if it’s no big deal. How she brushes off your gratitude - that feels like trying to hug a ghost (good luck, honey.) I loved how you described the hallucinations, though - they’re vivid enough to make my own boring thoughts feel inadequate. If I’d told my mother about such visions, she’d have assumed I was on drugs and signed me up for rehab. But your mom! She just shrugs, like dancing horses are part of the family tree

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Have you heard of the term hyperphantasia?

(I have the opposite, aphantasia.)

But I'm curious if you have that! Do you differentiate between hyperphantasia and hallucination?

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Hey Britta! I never heard of the term hyperphantasia. My parts aren't huge on "having something" -- like giving myself some kind of diagnosis or terminology. So I don't differentiate between this term, which I never heard of, and hallucination. If someone wants to call it hyperphantasia, they can! I'll just stick with saying I see things when I close my eyes.

Language is so tricky! On the one hand, a term can be a shorthand to understanding. For instance, Richard Schwartz, the founder of IFS, doesn't see his parts vividly (if at all), so one might say he's in the realm of aphantasia. He says around 20% of people don't see things vividly but that doesn't undermine one's capacity to do IFS. So you're in good company!!

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Thanks for replying! I hear you on that, not feeling drawn to "having something". I think I was curious because I found having relatability and community with folks who have similar brain experiences felt good for me. A former partner of mine could enjoy vivid visualizations at whim as well, so your description reminded me of that.

I bet you must rock guided visual meditations 😂❤️

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